Written in lieu of western civ. notes
Caesar felt a little down
He looked in his mirror with a regal frown
Reflected back in a bronzey hue
A fleshy face, and body too.
A shocking state - The Emperor sighed
Those extra pounds must be defied.
With ringéd hand he shook a bell
Summoning slaves; he could tell
Now he was aware, of sheer distaste
Written in the movements of their haste.
"Bring me a physic," Caesar bellowed.
"Fetch me a young one, still unyellowed!"
With one last glance at his portly form
Caesar’s will with resolve did storm!
No more midnight feasts with his brother
No more afternoon teas with his mother.
Farewell to honeyed boar flank tender,
Adieu to venison of the female gender.
A strict regime did the State decree—
The physic swore it would set him free.
"My sugar dove general, O darling Supreme,
Come have a dollop of strawberry crème!"
But Noble Caesar, iron of will
Refused the temptation, tho' bitter the pill.
His sweetheart, Octavia, with tears did implore
Bold Caesar to visit the grocery store.
Yet Emperor Caesar stuck to his guns
Forewent all enjoyment of fresh bakéd buns.
His physic, young Jupo, applauded the stand
Encouraged his patient—his vanity fanned,
"Oh Excellent Caesar, O Ruler Divine,
Your waistline is girlish, your muscle defined.
Your skin tone is rosy, you're bursting with health!"
Thus the young Jupo acquired much wealth.
Mightiest Caesar, in loose tunic garbed
Rode out every morning, his spear-head enbarbed.
Such hunting and sporting! Old Rome was impressed
Her leader was zealous, he lived life with zest!
In Tiber-side fisheries, the fishwives did say,
"We got us a gen'ral" and their words held sway.
Toned from the gym and tanned from the chase
Fearless the Emperor his mirror did face,
"Ha," came his victor's sneer, Ha!" did he yell.
His double grinned back, and Jupo felt well.
1 comment:
Ha - that is amazing.
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