[a winter prayer]

Just as a father has compassion on his children,

So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our frame;

He is mindful that we are but dust.

-Psalm 103

Dear Lord,
You are building this house, ripping out walls and unblocking drains and building a strong foundation with gold. I know you know what you are doing, and I don't deserve to have you in my life at all. But it is uncomfortable. I feel vulnerable and powerless when i am out of your presence. My trust in the world and its wisdom is shaken, and all its answers ring hollow. Yet your answers bewilder me...i have to read them again and again, every day, and each time i fall deeper in awe of your holiness. How can you care for me, who am but a quintessence of dust - of earth and sin and tears? Yet at the same time, deep deep deep inside my heart, I know you. I meet with you. I worship you as the Creator God, the Lord of beginnings and of endings, of birth and rebirth, of adoption and redemption. Yes, i affirm you as the Sovereign King. I claim your name through Jesus Christ. I belong to you. Shall i receive good from the hand of the Lord, and not adversity? Be it unto me as you have said. You have brought water out of solid rock. You have healed the sick and raised the dead. Every child, every human being who has breath in his nostrils belongs to you. You are LIFE, not death, and your delight and love is for the good of your children, not their harm.

God, i am specifically asking you for grace to believe in your goodness during the month of January. You see the bruises on my heart where death is trying to steal my joy and turn my trust into ungodly sorrow and doubt and all manner of insidious, un-renewed thoughts and actions.

Please allow me, infuse me, animate me, empower me to be your servant to my fullest and best ability. Help me as I study your Word. Help me to pray continually. Hold me together, Lord, for the glory and wonder of your Name. Lord, most of all, OPEN MY EYES to see you in your holiness, in your true character, so that I can worship you with my whole soul, nothing held back. Jesus, it is in your name that I ask for all these things, confident that in you, and through you, and to you and for you are ALL things, and you are able to give more than I can even ask for or imagine!

You are wonderful, Jesus. You are coming back! Help us to be ready! Fill us with love! I love you! I miss you, and I can't wait to meet you face to face! Thank you for your Word, and for all the stories in Scripture about unfulfilled longings and disappointed hopes that found their resolution and satisfaction in You! I love you!

Amen.

photo by me: sunrise on oasis, mexico