NIGHTMARE

Dear You-know-who-you-are,

I've been awfully restrained today.

In fact, I've been a virgin-nun, a pillared-saint and a Republican secretary all in one
ever since you walked straight past me to those cucumber slices without one glance.
C'mon, the salad bar has NEVER been that interesting,
and what did I do? I keep glancing down at my hands,
convinced they are covered in the blood of innocents, or filled with the stolen bread of the starving or SOMETHING that would explain your cold shoulder of mystery that's freezing over my heart.
Do I get an explanation?
"Let me know if I am far from the light" was the second-to-last treasure I had from your lips...I thought we were talking about noetic structure & Descarte & studying for exams
but
were you referring to something farther-afield & closer to the kingdom?

I am sorry.

I am not very good at these quiet conversations. If you would let me sit across from you now, I could stare very pointedly at your tomatoes & be calm.
We could converse in lower-case letters instead of MY NORMAL ALL-CAPS. You could instruct me and I could quietly try not to worship the grace with which you cut up the lettuce into precise green triangles.
You could pretend at some semblance of order and control & feel affirmed.
BUT DON'T YOU SEE, O CAN'T YOU SEE, THAT I LIKE THIS WAY AND you do not and that's quite all right as long as we're just talking about Descarte and wax and the things that don't scare the living-tarnation out of the tangles in my hair.

this kind do not come out except by fasting and prayer....

good grief, this is ridiculous.
Maybe I'm asleep.
I apologize again.
Get your crutons and dressing.
I recommend the raspberry vinegerette, unless you're a ranch man........

....actually, I recommend looking at me , talking to me soon.

My head's beginning to smoke, and when I panic, i SPEAK LOUDER SO THIS THING IS JUST GONNA GET UGLIER AND WORSE AND oh well.
Go sit over there.
I'll go running.
By myself.
It's normal, I shouldn't expect ab-normal or special or spectacular.
i forgot to feed Cerberus,
and he eats his meat well-done so I've got to ditch this
half-baked dream zone
for the land of the golden chariots of day.
Peace,
my cold-shouldered friend. That was the last word I heard you speak to me,
so I offer it back to you,
in exchange for...

for nothing. There is no barter between the two of us. You
are of the night, and I....

I am of the day.

Peace.